yum.

Nothing makes me happier than crisp, clean towels, sheets and pillowcases. Just saying.

Not going to lie, I wash my jeans far too little,

BUT MY PILLOWCASES never get forgotten. 

Today I worked out for the first time since having mono (other than skiing, and I totally count skiing). Another first? I worked out at the gym. I've never even been to the gym.

I know what your thinking... how do you keep up that awesome fisique and not go to the gym?

It's a gift from God.

Also I work out at home and in classes and outside. That too.

I like the gift hypothesis personally though.

Anyways. I'm big on first lately- you know, saying yes to things I wouldn't normally. Doing things I wouldn't normally do (good things...) (like going to all three hours of church!) and generally just enjoying life more to it's fullest. Last semester I came to this realization that qualities I liked in others were things that I could easily find in myself. I think saying yes to things is one way I've found to achieve this.

Anyways. Things are good and stuff. 

my thoughts regarding 4 exams

The anticipation of overdoing it,

Kills me before ever  doing it.

Abandonment of this fear,

For some beautiful reasons

Brings solace

& sweet accomplishment.

----Brings me closer.

Such a strange dichotomy-

Anticipation aborts accomplishment

when overdone

Abandonment sends sweet solace.

---Here in this case, of course.

OFF KILTER.

STOP.

FIX.

      Trust- for everything.

In self. Trust the ability of accomplishment.

Trust the worst case scenario,

    without fear, work to go beyond.

When trust is there. 

      When safety has been found therein,

Believe in the wonderful, unanticipated endings.

    See beauty as the anomaly?

STOP.

    Everywhere.

It's everywhere.

Stop.

  Because you're not the only one.

Stop.

Take off that blind fold.

You put in on over and over 

Around and around.

Abandon the fear of future.

   The future all together.

JUST STOP.

Here.

Now.

photo from caturday's valentines celebration.

cool. 

perfect exhaustion.

My weekend was absolutely wonderful and absolutely non-stop.

So I'm exhausted today.  Totally worth it? Eh, eh? Yes.

A synopsis:

Bear lake cozy cabin.

PERFECT half day of skiing.

Buca Di Beppos.

Down town Salt Lake!

And the Utah Symphony.

Which was wonderful. I love letting music soak into my soul. I don't know if this is from all my dancing but I just love letting move me. Literally. So this, this was great.

But hey, I did something so stupid. I got locked out of the first 20 minutes of the show. Alone.

What can I say, I really had to pee?

conundrum. not this. but sometimes.

Last night I went to a durty thurty instead of studying for my stats quiz today.

I just took it.

I did bad. But here's how I see it, I am exponentially (YEP) happier because I danced for 30 minutes last night. And I am not exponentially not happier for doing bad on that quiz.

So. Hey! Rocked that decision.

the still.

Today I had a MOMENT.

I don't know how to convey the significance of this. 

It was calm and still and wonderful. And! A whopping 24 degrees.

I walked across campus and the air was still and quiet; I was in awe in the beauty of it all.

Stunning. Perfect. Heavenly. 

All I could think about was writing this moment down. Recording it. Keeping it with me forever and letting it change me.

And then, AND THEN I sat through an hour and a half of accounting before the sun had fully risen and all the beauty in the world seemed a bit dimmer.

Bummer.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

guess what it is?

first. what it is not but could be mistaken to be:

the best feeling in the world is NOT
-anything to do with Antrhopologie
-or the science
-skiing pow pow? (possibly)
-finding kitteh
-finding birdeh
-finding my cell phone

WHAT IT IS:
- realizing that the test I thought was tomorrow, IS NEXT THURSDAY.

Let's party.

blog bihznatches

I am blogging.
Today is Tuesday.
THINK THINK....

Lately I am enjoying college and life and stuff. That is a good thing, isn't it?
Well. I was enjoying college, until I got mono and realized I have an econ test on Thursday. I don't even have an econ book yet. This could be problematic. Well like, to some people it could be.

But anyways. I would love to tell you a funny story of some funny thing that has happened to me. But I don't think anything funny has happened? PSYCH!

There is a kid named Vaginal in my Business Stats class. That is a good name. It makes me laugh.
Number 2. I find the word hate to be annoying and overused and bad for the soul. I am a good person, I know. But sometimes I choose someone to hate. It's very hitleresque of me. But, like, I'm sorry, don't be so annoying and I won't hate you.

FUN FACT:
Tonight at TAKARA it's buy one Sushi get one free.
GO TO THERE. (maybe you'll even see Vaginal there?)

the face of mono.

number one.
i feel you should know what the face of mono looks like:

also. this is weird but for some reason i really enjoy telling people i have mono.

hey i have mono.

i love your pity. gimme pity! best.

DONE AND DONE.

falling.

 falling asleep to the memories
      inevitably wakes me up
screaming inwardly

falling asleep to the future
inevitably wakes me up
        screaming inwardly

i can't sit still. never never.

what's past?
so much good.
enough bad to stick and to scare away any semblances of it

falling asleep and letting you fix it
the future and past
just is.
i can't decide-- what's the inevitable?

happy tuesday

First- just in case you are having a bad day like some February days tend to be: just take a looksie at this picture.

SECOND:You know those days when every facebook status says them same thing?

Ok well I love these days! Let's brainstorm?


OMG OMG OMG LOLZ BYU WON!
or
It snowed! (and every possible variation of this) (Always way glad for this one because it negates the need for weather.com)
or
Harry Potter omg lolz
or
New Moon omg lolz


Ok whatever it's cool right? I love New moon and Harry Potter and snow.


Today the overwhelming facebook status consensus though,


concerned BA BA BA! the weather (-11 was the low). Which is cool and fine and I was totes about to give into the mania because it is so freaking cold outside it should be illegal. It's like UNJUST to hold class in these conditions everyone knows that (or they should) and PLUS and ALSO I have mono so this is just a load.


THE WEATHER----


here is my problem with these statuses- like hey guys I know it's cold. And facebook? Facebook is my escape. It's my safe haven. It's my igloo. SO I CAN FORGET! About my homework. And about the cold.


And especially about the cold. Because honestly I should totes change my blog to ima college kid who hates cold.


OK.


So..... Anyways.


I am feeling like I'm just not rocking school lately? And honestly, it's like, how do I fix this? How do I change? How do I get back into the groove of things?


I don't know.


But, I know I will. Ima turn the page now, and act normal or something.


I know because of experience and because I've been here before. This is harder and different and new, but I've been here before. I know because I know that I am never alone. Not even metaphorically either. I am helped through these experiences by the beautiful people in my life. And when I say helped I really should say carried. I feel miracles in my life. I know, I know. So cliche. So overdone. But, I do. I believe truly that the people that I am surrounded by ARE THOSE miracles. I know the reason that I will be okay this semester (and some how pull a 3.5) is because I'm inspired to be better every day by the people I surround myself with. Learning and doing better. I will be ok, because I know enough. Because I've experienced and felt enough and have enough hope to do this. So, it's all good.


Ok, let's seriously tackle this weather situation now.